How Your kids can be a joy in class

especially if you are the teacher

As I drive home from the farmers market, a tan SUV turns in front of me with shoe polish words splashed across the back windshield. Curious, I pull closer to read the message “The teachers lied…my kids are not a joy to have in class.”

Coronavirus has been tough for many moms thrust into a role they never anticipated three-quarters of the way through the school year–that of teacher. But isn’t that what life is full of, unexpected challenges? It’s how we respond to them and grow in them that makes all the difference.

I long to follow her into the Dunkin’ Donuts parking lot, buy her a cup of coffee, and hear her story. I want to ask “What’s it been like for you, your kids? What have been your challenges, your joys? Where do you want to grow? Where do you see growth opportunities for your kids?

I think of Proverbs 18:21. How death and life are in the power of the tongue. I wonder how long these words have sat suspended on this window, how long they have etched their message into the heart of her children who climb in and tumble out of that big SUV each day. Wonder what impact they are making.

I think back over a decade of my own home school days. Some day, my kids were not a joy to have in class. But frankly, many days I, mom, teacher, was not a joy either. In these moments I ask myself “Why are we struggling? Do I need to skill up in a certain area, in my parenting, in my spiritual life? Do my kids need to grow in maturity in an area? In perseverance, self-control, diligence? Respect?”

Living together in close proximity takes skill and maturity. We all have room to grow, room for upgrades. I know I do!

Here are questions I ask during those “my kids aren’t a joy to have in class” moments:

Questions to consider about my kids:

1. What is the bigger picture around this behavior?
2. How did they sleep last night?
3. What have they been eating? Too much sugar, junk food? This makes a huge difference in our home. For years I noticed that schooling took a huge downward turn the weeks following Halloween. The candy and junk food impacted behavior, patience, and concentration. After I understood this, I began to buy back the candy for some desired treasure and behavior improved drastically.
4. Is this a character issue? Do they need to grow in kindness, self-control, or patience? How can I guide them?
5. Is this a respect issue? Do they need to grow in respect for me wearing my “teacher” hat?
6. Is this an understanding issue? Are they frustrated as they grapple with a new concept?
7. Do they need to take a break and come back to learning?
8. Is this an ongoing issue or a one-time problem?
9. How can I help them grow?

Questions I Ask Myself as Mom

…during those “my mom is not a joy to have as a teacher today” moments.

• Is this a spiritual issue?
  • Did I take time to nourish my soul this morning?
  • Am I running on empty or trusting God to empower me moment by moment?
  • Am I sitting at the feet of The Teacher so I learn from his ways?
• Is this a parenting issue?
  • Do I need to be more consistent?
  • Do I need to skill up in problem-solving?
  • Do I need to be more flexible?
  • Do I need to listen to understand?
  • Do I need to raise the bar of expectation or lower it?
  • How can I help this child grow?
• Is this a character issue?
  • Do I need to grow in kindness, perseverance, self-leadership?
  • Am I setting an example for my kids to follow?

The next step is to do something with the answer.

Create an Action Plan

I may need to find a resource to upgrade my skills. I may need to read a book on parenting, or set my alarm to rise before my kids and spend time in Scripture reading and prayer. Maybe I need to invite another mom friend to touch base with me regularly so we can encourage one another to live into the person we want to be.

Perhaps it’s time to go back to a more consistent schedule with the kids, limit screen time, or provide clear consequences for unacceptable behavior.

Track Your Progress

Putting the plan in writing makes a huge difference. It provides clarity, purpose, and direction. I can go back to it and track my progress. Did I write down a specific plan of action? Can I measure it? Is it realistic? Did I give myself a timeline to stay on track?

Intentional parenting and personal growth require effort but in time result in more beautiful relationships and more mature humans living, working, learning, and loving all under the same roof. It’s worth the time and effort. An oak tree grows slowly, but when mature provides shade, beauty, and majesty beneath its branches.

Give yourself fully to these children in your care, these acorns growing in your garden. Water them with words that speak life. Pull the weeds of impatience and impertinence, and stay attached to Christ, to the vine that will bear abundant fruit. Give yourself fully to this work, mama! It is not in vain. You will enjoy the benefits of better relationships and you and your kids will BOTH be a joy in class.

You can maximize your impact and create a beautiful legacy. You are a mom. And Mom Matters!