As a mom, you want to get it right. You don’t want to mess up your kids. Your heart is in the right place. But sometimes if you’re like me, you wonder “Am I doing this OK? Am I messing them up?”

Our kids come with no instruction manual.  Each child has a different personality and different needs. There is no one size fits all approach. So sometimes our tactics of parenting don’t bring about the results we desire and make us feel like a failure. 

In those moments we doubt ourselves and wonder if we are messing them up with our approach.

However, we can jump out of this cycle of self-doubt by learning from some mentors who can help us actually make an impact for good in our child’s life. There is hope for us!

As a mom of two strong-willed personalities, I know what it is like to feel like a failure. I’m right in the trenches with you.

My mentor who has given me guidance is my mom. I want to share with you three characteristics of my mom’s parenting that you can implement today that will turn you into a mom of influence that will leave a legacy of good in the lives of her children. How does that sound?

I’ll also let you in on a little secret.  It will spill over into your other relationships too. 

The overall tone of my mother’s parenting was very positive: She exuded three characteristics that mark parents who have lifelong successful relationships with their children. 

Three Ways to Maximize Your Mom Influence

1. Treat your kids with patience.

This was huge for me. I had such an intense, strong-willed personality. I was high strung and determined. How did she survive my upbringing? Amazingly, she did not match my intensity with her own intensity. If you have tried that, it does not work. The situation only escalates. (Trust me, I gave this approach a try with me kids.) Instead, she worked with me in a positive way to train me into maturity. She never said “relax, chill” “grow up”.  But guess what? Through her patient and loving approach, I did learn to relax, chill, and grow up. Go figure.

2. Talk to your kids with kindness.

She had no demeaning words, put-downs, or criticism. She had utter control over her tongue and kindness spilled out. Don’t get me wrong. She was kind but firm. I knew she meant business. But self-control ruled the day.  I wish I could say I am just like my mom. I have had to tell my kids I am sorry for words I spoke in anger. But she is my model and inspires me to gain control over this tongue which has the power to breathe words of life or spit out deadly poison.

3. Treasure your kids for who they are .

Again, what a feat to make me feel accepted! I was an enthusiastic little ball of fire. I remember one phase in 4th grade where I tried my hand at poetry. These poems were the epitome of stupid.  But bless her heart for celebrating my efforts at creativity. And then there was the time I wanted to wear white gloves for my brother’s wedding. And I wouldn’t cut my bangs either. It was hideous. But somehow, she just embraced me and loved for where I was.  My mom of course wasn’t perfect. And you don’t have to be perfect, either. But if you shift a few things so that your mothering takes on these characteristics, being positive in how you talk to your kids, how you treat your kids, how you treasure your kids, you will NOT screw them up. Oh, and by the way, it is never too late to start, even if your kids are grown. You will transition from a mom who is experiencing doubt and feeling like a failure to a mom who feels confident in the powerful role you are playing in the life of your kids, an influence that will have a ripple effect on multiple lives as well.