Does my cell phone distract me from my most important priorities?
How many times have I been in the same room as my kids but not “present”? Can you relate? You know what it is like, sometimes you’re just more interested in the screen in front of you than the child next to you. It’s easy to be “there”, but not “present.” I get it. The best of us gets caught in the social media snag. But if you want to be a mom who strengthens her family, you’ll need to carve some intentionality into your day.
Many years ago as I was driving to work, I came across Dr. Laura Schlesinger’s radio show. She regularly introduces herself as “This is Dr. Laura and I am my kid’s mom.” What exactly does she mean by this?
Her message is “make your kids your important priority.” The message does not imply we moms should revolve our world around our kids, rather it implores us to resist the temptation to trade the gift of mothering for a time-consuming career, hobby, or distraction that pulls us away from our most valuable role, mother.
How can a distinguished career woman get away with touting this? She committed to working her career around her family. Up at 5 AM, she wrote her books. She conducted her radio show while her son attended school and arrived to pick him up at the day’s end. Then she shifted gears to “be her kid’s mom.”
It requires work and sacrifice for working moms to rearrange a work schedule to make your children your most important priority. But stay at home moms also benefit from self-evaluation to determine if we are home, but not actually “present.”
God has bestowed an amazing gift and responsibility of motherhood on women to nurture a soul that will last forever. Wow. Letting that thought sink in may help shift priorities.
What can I do to become an intentional mom?
Start with self-evaluation
Socrates famously stated, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” So start with some self-reflective questions.
- When I am with my kids, am I intentional with conversation and attention, or am I distracted?
- In what areas of life do I want to be intentional?
I will share three areas that we choose to build intentionally into our family. You will undoubtedly think of more areas important to you.
3 Areas to Build into Your Family With Intention:
- Faith
- Values
- Family Relationships
Cultivate Faith
Deuteronomy 6:6-8 instructs parents to love the Lord with all your heart and soul…and to diligently teach God’s commands to your children when you sit at home and when you go about your day. In other words, we love God ourselves, and we integrate faith into the fabric of our everyday family life.
One way I seek God daily is to devote a time of day where I can consistently meet with God in his word and in prayer. Some days I have more time than others, but this time is key for me connecting my heart to God’s heart and refocusing my heart, desires, and priorities to the things of God. Participating in a small group from church or a women’s Bible study keeps me more consistent and my learning is doubled as we meet, share insights, and pray for one another.
Another routine we have established as a family is to worship together as a family at church. We have had to navigate dance schedules and work schedules but find great value in carving out this time to make corporate worship a priority.
Over the years, we have sought to teach our kids diligently in the home. We view the church as an amazing support to our faith journey and vital, but believe the family provides the best opportunity to guide kids into a growing faith with Christ. We grow, fail, offend, forgive, and extend grace all in this place called home.
We weave prayer into our day, at meals, at bedtime, on the road when we see an ambulance rush by. When our kids were young we read a kid’s Bible before bed. Teens can create a reading program on the Bible app. Spotify provides great playlists to amplify our worship. We keep God’s word close at hand and in our minds, so we know how to engage in a vibrant relationship with our heavenly Father who is crazy about us!
Finally, we seek to bring faith into the conversation. TV shows and movies provide a great way to interact with ideas and worldview. Engaging in questions like “How did the character handle that situation? What might a Christ-follower do differently? What is the belief about God in this show, what clues do you see?” These questions equip a student to think and evaluate the media they consume.
Instill Values
What values are important to you? Do you value compassion, justice, generosity, authenticity? How do you live these out in your family? You get a wonderful opportunity to instill these values into your family experience.
My husband is gifted in the area of finance, so he has taught our kids how to save for long term as well as short term goals. He helped them develop envelopes so they could put money aside in a giving bag as well. We teach our kids to give a percentage of what they earn, demonstrating trust in God as Provider. These are wonderful values to instill in your kids.
What is important to your family? Model the value as you invite your kids to participate in it with you.
Cultivate family relationships and connections
We want to grow together as a family and enjoy each other. One way we create these family connections is by eating dinner together most nights of the week. Yes, we have battled soccer and dance schedules right around the dinner hour, but more often than not the rhythm is that we gather to talk and share stories around our evening meal.
We enjoy a movie or game night, family hikes, a walk after dinner with an ice cream cone as additional ways to cultivate our family relationships. Look for weekly, monthly, and yearly things you can do and get them on the calendar. Then you will have the time blocked off so they don’t get squeezed out.
Final Thoughts:
Master Your Time
Actually, if you master yourself, you will manage your time well. We must master our time so it doesn’t slip away from us week after week. We must be proactive to cultivate faith, family, and connections. How can you do this? Use a weekly calendar to track your time for a week. Where is it going? How much time are you on the phone, social media, texting, Netflix? Ask yourself where you are wasting time and where you can use it more intentionally?
Be willing to limit technology
Some of my friends will take a sabbatical from social media for a season so they can be more present with their family. I stopped notifications for email and social media so I am less distracted. Set aside car rides for talking with the people in the car riding with you rather than on the phone. Scroll at night when kids are in bed.
Don’t grow weary!
I Corinthians 15:58 says to give yourself fully to the work of the Lord because you know your labor is not in vain. Mothering is important work! Maybe you feel weary from the constancy that motherhood entails. Hang in there mama! Who you are and what you do matters. Your character, your choices, your faith, your example all make a difference in the life of your children.
Take a deep breath and just get started. You can live a life of purpose, influence, and legacy. You got this mom, and I’m in your corner cheering you on!
Elizabeth Greene
Founder, Mom Matters
Elizabeth is a certified leadership coach and a mom of two college-age daughters. She invested a decade encouraging moms and teaching her kids classically at home, serving as a tutor and speaker with Classical Conversations. She has served as a MOPS mentor and speaker and is a sought after Bible study teacher. Her passion is to coach and inspire moms with a vision of motherhood to intentionally foster her family, maximize her impact, and leave a legacy. Visit her website at www.mommatters.org for free resources, podcasts, and life coaching options.